A：I was invited to a traditional Beijing household for dinner once. It was an eye-opening experience. The girl who invited me was my colleague. Her father was over 60 years old. He didn’t eat much but was constantly proposing a toast. His wife was busy cooking in the kitchen all the time. I asked her to join us but her husband said “No, she doesn’t.” After dinner, I asked my colleague why her father didn’t eat much and why her mother didn’t join us. She said that was an old tradition. Her father was there to keep me company because I was a guest of honor and usually women did not eat with the guests.

B：I had a similar experience too. I always feel spoiled to be a guest in a Chinese household. The host usually prepares a sumptuous meal. The kids are sent to the neighbors so the guests can have a peaceful meal. Usually, they would start preparing for our visit days ahead. Even though there would be a lot of food on the table, the host would still say “We don’t have much, so please bear with us.” They keep putting food on my plate despite the fact I may not like certain food. I usually feel very embarrassed. Some hosts even force their children to perform a song or recite a poem for me.

A：That is Chinese hospitality. People want to bring out their best food to welcome the guests. Westerners are different. They don’t stay in the kitchen when the guests have arrived. They want to socialize with the guests rather than simply showing hospitality.

B：Chinese people are very friendly and always ready to treat their guests with the best things they have. But this hospitality may cause inconvenience to both the guests and the hosts themselves. An American said in a book over 100 years ago that Chinese hospitality is meant to show the politeness of the host rather than keeping the guest happy. The host may insist on starting a fire so he can make tea for the guest, despite the fact that the guest may be irritated by the smoke. At least the host gives the impression that he is very hospitable.

A：That was over 100 years ago. Things are different now. More and more people prefer a relaxed atmosphere rather than showing hospitality just for the sake of it. But there are exceptions. I went to visit a fairly affluent village in southern China last year. The host was asked to make a special tea for us. She was very friendly, but when she finished making the tea she charged each of us 10 yuan for the treat. As a result of the economic growth people have become money conscious. Although you may not feel comfortable with the traditional hospitality, it could disappear any time.

B：Shall I feel lucky or sorry then?