My rocky recovery from iPhone abuse

用了iPhone后，我隔三差五就想摸一下心愛的手機，只要一離開它就會感到驚慌失措，這些跡象表明：我患上了iPhone上癮癥……

By Amy Green

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My name is Amy. I’m a 25-year-old graduate student who likes yoga, home-decorating shows and eating spoonfuls of peanut butter straight from the jar.[2] Oh yeah, and I’m an iPhone addict.

I wasn’t always an addict. In fact, for many years I told myself I didn’t want a fancy[3] cellphone. They seemed like too much work, always beeping[4], ringing and demanding attention. I was perfectly content with my simple antique[5], and I didn’t anticipate changing my mind any time soon.

However, about a year ago, I found myself envious of all those proud iPhone owners, cradling their shiny new phones and showing them off to all their friends.[6] I started eavesdropping on conversations about “iPhone apps”,[7] feeling like a tourist listening to a language I couldn’t speak.

Eventually I couldn’t ignore my iPhone instinct any longer, and I welcomed my new iPhone into my life. I instantly fell in love with the little bundle of joy, and could no longer imagine a life without it.

To my surprise, I suddenly found myself with a whole new circle of friends—other iPhone owners I could go to for advice and support as I learned the various functions of my new device. They responded to my iPhone-related queries when my other friends couldn’t, and didn’t roll their eyes when I bragged about all the things little Eloise (yes, I named her) could do.[8]

For a couple months I was living on iCloud nine[9] as I built my new life with Eloise. However, I realized I had a problem when one day I found myself Google-mapping[10] my way to my mailbox. Which happens to be right outside my front door.

When I reflected upon[11] the past few months, I couldn’t believe I didn’t see this coming. All the warning signs were there. Eloise slept right beside me and was the first thing I reached for in the morning. I checked my e-mail about 20 times a day. I also experienced attachment anxiety when I left poor Eloise in the change room at the gym.[12] What if she beeped and needed my response? Or, even worse, what if a careless gym-goer knocked her out of my bag and caused her screen to (I hardly dared to imagine it) crack?[13]

Okay, so I was addicted to my iPhone.

Once I admitted I had a problem, things started to change. What used to feel like friendly notifications now felt like constant nagging to respond.[14] I hated that I could no longer leave the house without Eloise in my hand. Eventually, I resented Eloise so much I wanted to throw her at the wall—and would have, too, if I weren’t so worried about being reported for iPhone abuse.

I decided something had to be done. But, as I quickly realized, iPhones are like cigarettes and not easy to quit.

Then, while taking the bus to work one day, I was unexpectedly forced to quit—at least temporarily. When I reached into my purse to grab Eloise (to check my e-mail for only the seventh time that morning), I found her overcome by fever. She was so hot that I dropped her immediately back into my bag with barely enough time to comprehend the words “overheating” and “power-off” that flashed with angst[15] upon her screen. When I picked her up again, she was gone.

My head swam with panic as I attempted to problem-solve without avail.[16] I couldn’t call anyone for advice. I couldn’t Google whether this had happened to any fellow iPhone parents. And when I finally arrived at work (luckily I found my office without Google maps to guide me), I learned that sick days do not apply to one’s iPhone children.

The Apple Store was closed by the time I finished work, so I headed home with dread[17] into an Eloise-less night. But, after a couple hours without any text alerts, push notifications, or even good old-fashioned phone calls, I felt ... calmer. After a few more hours I felt like a whole new woman, rising above the need for a silly... what was it called again? It had been so long I could hardly remember.

Without my electronic bed partner, I drifted off into the deepest slumber[18] I’d had in months. The next morning, I read the news from the simplicity of the newspaper, instead of from my iPhone. I even noticed the cherry blossoms blooming.[19]

My goodness, what had I been missing?

But although it went against my newly redefined principles, I made my way to the Apple Store later that afternoon after admitting I’d need a phone sooner or later.[20]

Half an hour and one friendly Apple employee later, I found myself yet again the proud owner of a new iPhone. When I turned it on, a wave of familiarity washed over me as it buzzed with two days worth of missed texts and notifications.[21]

As I rode home, I found myself frenziedly responding to messages of “where are u?” and “c u soon?”[22] Suddenly, I was reminded of an old Alanis Morissette song: “I’ve got one hand in my pocket, and the other one’s death-gripping an iPhone.”...[23]

Without finishing my text, I put my phone back into my purse and decided to just enjoy the ride for a while.

Vocabulary

1. abuse: 濫用。

2. yoga: 瑜伽;spoonful: 一匙之量。

3. fancy: 高級的，奢華的。

4. beep: 嘟嘟響。

5. antique: 古董，此處用比喻義，指舊手機。

6. envious: 妒忌的，羨慕的;cradle: 輕輕地抱著，此處用比喻義。

7. eavesdrop: 偷聽(別人的談話);app: =application，應用程序。

8. query: 問題，疑問;roll one’s eyes: 翻白眼;brag about: 吹噓。

9. be on cloud nine:〈口〉極為高興。此處形近字的用法很巧妙，iCloud是蘋果公司的云服務，其功能是將存儲內容，包括購買的音樂、應用、電子書等推送到用戶的所有蘋果設備。

10. Google-map: v. 用Google在線地圖進行搜索。

11. Reflect upon: 仔細思考。

12. attachment: 喜愛，依戀;change room: 更衣室;gym: 健身房。

13. knock out: 撞倒;crack:(使)破裂，(使)裂開。

14. notification: 通知;nagging: 嘮叨的。

15. angst: 焦慮不安，煩惱。

16. swim: 發昏，眩暈;without avail: 徒勞。

17. dread: 恐懼。

18. slumber: 睡眠。

19. cherry blossom: 櫻花;bloom: 開花。

20. redefined: 重新定義的;sooner or later: 遲早。

21. wash over:(感覺)突然襲來;buzz: 發嗡嗡聲，忙亂。

22. frenziedly: 忙亂地，激動地;c u soon: =see you soon的縮寫。

23. Alanis Morissette: 艾拉妮絲?莫莉塞特，加拿大搖滾女歌手;death-gripping: 緊緊握住。