Two months ago a new client entered my office for her first coaching session. "All I want is to feel happy," she said. "I’m miserable and I focus on that misery all day long."

兩個月前，一個新客戶來到我的辦公室參加她的第一次輔導課。“我要的是感到高興，”她說，“我很痛苦，而且我整天專注于怎樣把自己從痛苦中解救出來。”

It seemed like a fairly simple request, so we went to work.

這似乎是一個非常簡單的要求，所以我們就開始了。

Week after week I witnessed the smile on my client’s face becoming more consistent, more authentic. Soon she began talking about the laughter and pleasant activities that now fill her days. So I asked whether she thought that we had achieved her happiness goal. I was surprised when she said "no."

幾周過后，我親眼目睹了我的客戶臉上露出堅定真誠的笑容。因此她開始談論每天充斥在身邊的笑料和愉快的活動。因此我問她是否認為我們已經達到了她的幸福目標，但我很驚訝的是她說“沒有”。

What I learned is that this vibrant woman believed that in order to characterize herself as happy she could never feel sad. To her, sadness and other unpleasant feelings are not allowed in the life of someone who defines themselves as a happy person. But that is not what the human experience is actually about.

我了解到的是，這個充滿活力的女人認為，為了讓她看起來很幸福，她不能覺得悲傷。對她來說，悲傷等不愉快的情緒在生活中是不允許出現在一個幸福的人身上的。但是這不是真正的人生體驗。

If we don’t allow a natural progression of the resulting unpleasant feelings we will never fully experience and embrace the joy in life. That’s right; where there is black, there is white, it’s just how nature works. There are two complementary forces that make up all aspects of life and we must allow and accept their balance.

如果我們不允許一個不愉快情緒的自然的產生，我們就無法體驗和擁抱生活的樂趣。正是這樣;當有黑暗的地方就有光明，這才是自然的。生活的各個方面都有兩個互補的力量，我們必須允許和接受它們的平衡。

This is the understanding that my client was missing.

這是我的顧客對生活漏掉的領悟。

And it begs the question: Happiness--what is it, really?

它引出了一個問題：幸福——到底是什么?

In simplest form, happiness is a state of being. Sure, our circumstances influence the level of happiness we can access, but happiness is within us, not around us. We all have it, but we each define it differently and have varying expectations of ourselves and our own abilities to be happy. And that is what causes the confusion.

在最簡單的情況下，幸福是一種狀態。當然，我們能接觸到的環境會影響幸福的水平，但是幸福在我們心里，而不是在我們周圍。我們都擁有它，但是我們每個人的定義不同，我們有不同的期望，我們想要幸福。這就是造成混亂的原因。

It’s perfectly OK to have moments or days of feeling bad, rather than good. When we resist the feelings that we categorize as unpleasant, it simply causes more resistance, leading to greater unhappiness. Let’s debunk the happiness myth. These steps might just help you develop a healthy--and, dare I say, happy--life balance.

因此完全可以有不開心的時間。如果我們抵觸那些被列為不開心的事情，這會導致更多的阻力，也就會導致更多的不開心。讓我們來揭穿幸福的秘密。這些步驟可以幫你養成一個健康而且幸福的生活平衡。

1. Build a solid foundation.

打好基礎。

Martin Seligman is one of the leading researchers in positive psychology and author of Authentic Happiness. Seligman describes happiness as having three parts: pleasure, engagement, and meaning. Pleasure is the "feel good" part of happiness. Engagement refers to living a "good life" of work, family, friends, and hobbies. Meaning refers to using our strengths to contribute to a larger purpose. Seligman says that all three are important, but that of the three, engagement and meaning make the most difference to living a happy life.

馬丁·塞利格曼是積極心理學主要研究者和《真正的幸福》的作者。塞利格曼把幸福定義為三個方面：快樂，參與和意義。快樂是幸福“感覺不錯”的部分。參與表示“美好生活”的工作、家庭、朋友和愛好等方面。意義指的是利用我們的優勢來促進更大的目標完成。塞利格曼說，這三點很重要，但是參與和意義對幸福生活影響最大。

Revisit your relationships. Are they satisfactory? Do you have a good support network in place? If not, work on building it up. When you hit a bump in the road having supportive people around you will make a world of difference.

重溫你的關系網，這些關系是否令人滿意呢?你有一個很好地支持你的交際網嗎?如果沒有，建設起來。當你遇到顛簸的道路，支持你的人可以幫你創造出不同的世界。

Also, review how you contribute to a larger purpose. Focusing on something bigger than you are helps to keep things in perspective.

此外，知道如何做有助于實現更大的目標。看的更廣闊的可以讓你看事情更正確。