Two months ago a new client entered my office for her first coaching session. "All I want is to feel happy," she said. "I’m miserable and I focus on that misery all day long."

兩個(gè)月前，一個(gè)新客戶(hù)來(lái)到我的辦公室參加她的第一次輔導(dǎo)課?！拔乙氖歉械礁吲d，”她說(shuō)，“我很痛苦，而且我整天專(zhuān)注于怎樣把自己從痛苦中解救出來(lái)。”

It seemed like a fairly simple request, so we went to work.

這似乎是一個(gè)非常簡(jiǎn)單的要求，所以我們就開(kāi)始了。

Week after week I witnessed the smile on my client’s face becoming more consistent, more authentic. Soon she began talking about the laughter and pleasant activities that now fill her days. So I asked whether she thought that we had achieved her happiness goal. I was surprised when she said "no."

幾周過(guò)后，我親眼目睹了我的客戶(hù)臉上露出堅(jiān)定真誠(chéng)的笑容。因此她開(kāi)始談?wù)撁刻斐涑庠谏磉叺男α虾陀淇斓幕顒?dòng)。因此我問(wèn)她是否認(rèn)為我們已經(jīng)達(dá)到了她的幸福目標(biāo)，但我很驚訝的是她說(shuō)“沒(méi)有”。

What I learned is that this vibrant woman believed that in order to characterize herself as happy she could never feel sad. To her, sadness and other unpleasant feelings are not allowed in the life of someone who defines themselves as a happy person. But that is not what the human experience is actually about.

我了解到的是，這個(gè)充滿(mǎn)活力的女人認(rèn)為，為了讓她看起來(lái)很幸福，她不能覺(jué)得悲傷。對(duì)她來(lái)說(shuō)，悲傷等不愉快的情緒在生活中是不允許出現(xiàn)在一個(gè)幸福的人身上的。但是這不是真正的人生體驗(yàn)。

If we don’t allow a natural progression of the resulting unpleasant feelings we will never fully experience and embrace the joy in life. That’s right; where there is black, there is white, it’s just how nature works. There are two complementary forces that make up all aspects of life and we must allow and accept their balance.

如果我們不允許一個(gè)不愉快情緒的自然的產(chǎn)生，我們就無(wú)法體驗(yàn)和擁抱生活的樂(lè)趣。正是這樣;當(dāng)有黑暗的地方就有光明，這才是自然的。生活的各個(gè)方面都有兩個(gè)互補(bǔ)的力量，我們必須允許和接受它們的平衡。

This is the understanding that my client was missing.

這是我的顧客對(duì)生活漏掉的領(lǐng)悟。

And it begs the question: Happiness--what is it, really?

它引出了一個(gè)問(wèn)題：幸?！降资鞘裁?

In simplest form, happiness is a state of being. Sure, our circumstances influence the level of happiness we can access, but happiness is within us, not around us. We all have it, but we each define it differently and have varying expectations of ourselves and our own abilities to be happy. And that is what causes the confusion.

在最簡(jiǎn)單的情況下，幸福是一種狀態(tài)。當(dāng)然，我們能接觸到的環(huán)境會(huì)影響幸福的水平，但是幸福在我們心里，而不是在我們周?chē)?。我們都擁有它，但是我們每個(gè)人的定義不同，我們有不同的期望，我們想要幸福。這就是造成混亂的原因。

It’s perfectly OK to have moments or days of feeling bad, rather than good. When we resist the feelings that we categorize as unpleasant, it simply causes more resistance, leading to greater unhappiness. Let’s debunk the happiness myth. These steps might just help you develop a healthy--and, dare I say, happy--life balance.

因此完全可以有不開(kāi)心的時(shí)間。如果我們抵觸那些被列為不開(kāi)心的事情，這會(huì)導(dǎo)致更多的阻力，也就會(huì)導(dǎo)致更多的不開(kāi)心。讓我們來(lái)揭穿幸福的秘密。這些步驟可以幫你養(yǎng)成一個(gè)健康而且幸福的生活平衡。

1. Build a solid foundation.

打好基礎(chǔ)。

Martin Seligman is one of the leading researchers in positive psychology and author of Authentic Happiness. Seligman describes happiness as having three parts: pleasure, engagement, and meaning. Pleasure is the "feel good" part of happiness. Engagement refers to living a "good life" of work, family, friends, and hobbies. Meaning refers to using our strengths to contribute to a larger purpose. Seligman says that all three are important, but that of the three, engagement and meaning make the most difference to living a happy life.

馬丁·塞利格曼是積極心理學(xué)主要研究者和《真正的幸福》的作者。塞利格曼把幸福定義為三個(gè)方面：快樂(lè)，參與和意義?？鞓?lè)是幸福“感覺(jué)不錯(cuò)”的部分。參與表示“美好生活”的工作、家庭、朋友和愛(ài)好等方面。意義指的是利用我們的優(yōu)勢(shì)來(lái)促進(jìn)更大的目標(biāo)完成。塞利格曼說(shuō)，這三點(diǎn)很重要，但是參與和意義對(duì)幸福生活影響最大。

Revisit your relationships. Are they satisfactory? Do you have a good support network in place? If not, work on building it up. When you hit a bump in the road having supportive people around you will make a world of difference.

重溫你的關(guān)系網(wǎng)，這些關(guān)系是否令人滿(mǎn)意呢?你有一個(gè)很好地支持你的交際網(wǎng)嗎?如果沒(méi)有，建設(shè)起來(lái)。當(dāng)你遇到顛簸的道路，支持你的人可以幫你創(chuàng)造出不同的世界。

Also, review how you contribute to a larger purpose. Focusing on something bigger than you are helps to keep things in perspective.

此外，知道如何做有助于實(shí)現(xiàn)更大的目標(biāo)?？吹母鼜V闊的可以讓你看事情更正確。