中國(guó)家庭并不常用電話答錄機(jī)(Answering Machine),但在北美家庭，幾乎家家都用。外來(lái)電話撥入時(shí)，若該電話號(hào)碼的主人不在，就會(huì)讓撥入者聽到一段留言，這叫Answer。絕大多數(shù)的Answer都是千篇一律的：說(shuō)明主人不在，請(qǐng)撥入者留下簡(jiǎn)短信息及姓名電話號(hào)碼等。
以下幾則特別的 Answer 體現(xiàn)了美國(guó)佬的幽默，你能體會(huì)出其幽默所在嗎?
1) My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.
2) Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you oweme money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.
3) Hi, I’m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep(beep：主人的Answer講完以后，Answer Machine會(huì)發(fā)出一聲beep, 這時(shí)候來(lái)電話者就可以開始留言了。).
4) Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets(磁鐵).
注：通常情況下，來(lái)電話者面對(duì)錄音講話都不太自然，所以語(yǔ)言往往很急促，三句兩句話就完了。這可苦了接聽留言的主人，聽多少遍都聽不清留言者到底是誰(shuí)，講了些什么。對(duì)于母語(yǔ)非英文的人，這種感覺會(huì)更深。所以，以下這兩段幽默干脆就首先告訴電話撥入者，我的Answer Machine不好使，你且慢慢來(lái)。
5) Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped(私奔) with her tape deck(磁帶驅(qū)動(dòng)器), so I’m stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
6) Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding(墻板，壁板), windows, or a hot tub(浴盆),and their carpets are clean. They give to charity(慈善團(tuán)體) through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
7) Hi. I am probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
8) This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic(心靈感應(yīng)術(shù))thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.
注：tone：與對(duì)第3)句beep 的注釋含義完全一樣，主人的Answer講完以后，Answer Machine會(huì)發(fā)出一聲beep, 這時(shí)候來(lái)電話者就可以開始留言了。
9) Hi, this is George. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
10) If you are a burglar(夜賊), then we’re probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can’t come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren’t home and it’s safe to leave us a message.
11) You’re growing tired. Your eyelids(眼皮) are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower(毅力) and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to(感到無(wú)助而被迫做某事) leave your name, number, and a message.
