In a class I teach for adults, I recently did the “unpardonable1.” I gave the class homework! The assignment was to “go to someone you love within the next week and tell them you love them. It has to be someone you have never said those words to before or at least haven’’t shared those words with for a long time.”

Now that doesn t sound like a very tough assignment, until you stop to realize that most of the men were over 35 and were raised in the generation of men that were taught that expressing emotions is not “macho.” Showing feelings or crying (heaven forbid!) was just not done. So this was a very threatening assignment for some.

At the beginning of our next class, I asked if someone wanted to share what happened when they told someone they loved them. I fully expected one of the women to volunteer6, as was usually the case, but on this evening one of the men raised his hand. He appeared quite moved and a bit shaken.

As he unfolded out of his chair(all 6 2" of him), he began by saying, “Dennis, I was quite angry with you last week when you gave us this assignment. I didn t feel that I had anyone to say those words to, and besides, who were you to tell me to do something that personal8?

“But as I began driving home my conscience started talking to me. It was telling me that I knew exactly who I needed to say I love you to.

“You see, five years ago, my father and I had a vicious disaGREement and really never resolved it since that time. We avoided seeing each other unless we absolutely had to at Christmas or other family gatherings. But even then, we hardly spoke to each other.

“So last Tuesday by the time I got home I had convinced myself I was going to tell my father I loved him.

Say I love you 說我愛你

最近在我執(zhí)教的一個成人班級里，我干了一件“不可饒恕的”事情。我居然給班上的學生布置了一份家庭作業(yè)!任務(wù)是“下周之內(nèi)要走到你所愛的人面前，告訴他們你愛他。此人必須是一位此前你從未對之說過此話的對象，或至少很久沒有與他們交流過這些愛意盎然的話語了。”

聽起來這不像是一份苛刻的任務(wù)，直到你意識到這個班里多數(shù)男生已年逾35歲。何況在他們成長的那個年代，他們受到的是這樣的灌輸：流露情感沒有“陽剛之氣”。人們不會輕易流露情感和哭泣(老天也不允!)。因此對某些人來說，這是一項令人生畏的任務(wù)。

第二次上課一開始，我就問：當你告訴別人你愛他/她時，結(jié)果怎樣?有沒有人愿意講一講?我滿心指望像平常一樣，某位女士能自告奮勇，但是這天晚上，一位男士舉起了手。他看上去很受感動的樣子，還有一點顫抖。

當他從座椅上直起身來時(他身高6英尺2英寸)，他這樣說道：“丹尼斯，上周你給我們布置任務(wù)時，我很生你的氣。我認為我沒有什么人需要我說那些話，而且，你是誰?憑什么讓我們?nèi)ジ蛇@種涉及隱私的事?

“但我驅(qū)車回家時，我的良知開始與我對話。它告訴我，我確實知道需要向誰說‘我愛你’這句話。

“你瞧，5年前，我與父親發(fā)生了激烈的爭執(zhí)，而且從此再也沒有消除隔閡。我們互相回避，除非絕對必須出席圣誕節(jié)聚會或其他的家庭聚會。但甚至在那些場合，我們彼此幾乎也不說一句話。

“因此，上周二到家時，我確信自己做得不對，打算告訴父親我愛他。