[美文欣賞]

The Art of Bouncing Back by Joyce Grenfell

I think the center of my faith is an absolute certainty of good. Like everyone else, I get low and there are times when I feel as if I have my fins backwards and am swimming upstream in heavy boots. But even in these dark times, even though I feel cut off, perhaps, and alone, I am aware - even if distantly - that I am part of a whole and that the whole is true and real and good.

I have never had any difficultly in believing in God. I don't believe in a personal God and I don't quite see how it is possible to believe in a God who knows both good and evil and yet to trust in Him. I believe in God, Good, in One Mind, and I believe we are all subject to and part of this oneness.

It's taken me time to understand words like "tolerance" and "understandind." I have given lip service to "tolerance" and to "understanding" for years but only now do I think I begin to understand a little what they mean. If we are all one of another, and this, though uncomfortably, is probably the case, then sooner or later we have got to come to terms with each other. I believe in the individuality of man, and it is only by individual experience that we can, any of us, make a contribution to understanding.

I've always been a bit confused about self and egotism because I instinctively felt both were barriers to understanding. And so in a sense they are.

I used to worry a lot about personality and that sort of egotism. I noticed that certain artists - musicians, for instance - would allow their personalities to get between the music and the listener. But others, greater and therefore humbler, became clear channels through which the music was heard unimpeded. And it occurred to me, not very originally, that the good we know in man is from God so it is a good thing to try to keep oneself as clear as possible from the wrong sort of self. And it's not very easy, particularly if you are on the stage!

I am one of those naturally happy people even when they get low soon bounce back. In minor things like housekeeping and keeping in sight of letters to be answered I am a Planny-Annie. That is to say I get through the chores in order to enjoy the space beyond. But I do find that, believing in the operation of good as I do, I cannot make plans - important ones, I mean - but I must prepare the ground and then leave the way free as far as possible. This, of course, means being fearless and isn't fatalistic, because you see I believe that when I am faithful enough to be still and to allow things to happen serenely, they do. And this being still isn't a negative state but an awareness of one's true position.

Friends are the most important things in my life - that and the wonder of being necessary to someone. But these things pass and in end one is alone with God. I'm not nearly ready for that yet, but I do see it with my heart's eye.

I don't understand it entirely, but I believe there is only now and our job is to recognize and rejoice in this now. Now... Not, of course, the man-measured now of Monday, Friday, or whenever, but the now of certain truth. That doesn't change. Surely everything has been done - is done. Our little problem is to reveal and enjoy.

[參考譯文]

重新振作的藝術

喬伊絲.格倫費爾

我認為，對人性本善的絕對信仰便是我信仰的核心。同其他人一樣，我也有遇到挫折、情緒低落的時候，那感覺就像是穿著沉重的靴子向上游，卻被腳蹼拖著后腿一樣。然而，就算是在那些黑暗的日子里，即使我有一種被孤立或者孤獨的感覺，我依然會隱隱意識到自己是真實、正確且善良的整體的一部分。

我對上帝的信仰從未改變過。但我不相信肉身上帝，也難以明白怎么有可能去信仰一個善惡共存的神。我信仰上帝、善良、還有一神論，我也相信我們皆屬于這個唯一，是它的一部分。

為了理解“容忍”及“理解”這樣的詞，我花了好些時間。幾年來，我一直口頭信奉著“容忍”與“理解”，但我覺得，直到今天我才開始對他們的含義有了些許的了解。如果我們都能夠成為對方，雖然這很難但也許是有可能的，那么遲早我們都能學會互相謙讓。我相信每個人都有自己的個性，也只有親身經歷，我們才會真正理解別人。

對于自我及自負，我總是有些迷惑，因為我直覺上認為它們都會妨礙理解。而且從某種意義上來說，的確如此。

我過去常為個性以及那種自負擔憂不已。我發現，某些藝術家，比如音樂家，總會讓聽眾從音樂中了解他的個性。而其他更偉大、也因此更謙遜的音樂家，則成為了使人們輕松了解音樂全貌的暢通渠道。我們知道人性的善良來源上帝，因此最明智的做法就是，努力使自己遠離自身不道德因素的玷污。我并非第一個有此想法的人，這實為難事，尤其是當你身在舞臺上的時候。

我是一個生性樂觀的人，就算情緒低落，也會很快振作起來。我總會按計劃來做一些小事，例如操持家務、查看需回復的信件。這就是說我會做完這些事以便享受以后的空間。然而我發現，在對行善的信仰及實踐上，我卻無法做出任何計劃，我的意思是重要的計劃，但我必須為之預留空間，并盡可能保持通道暢通無阻。這自然就是說，要無所畏懼而不是聽天由命。因為你明白，我相信當我滿懷誠意，靜靜等待事情發生時，它們便會發生。這并不是一種消極的狀態，而是對自己真正處境的了解。