愛要怎么說出口
If only we’d never gone there, thought Alan. They were scrambling up the mountainside in the late afternoon heat. Alice was so tanned that she looked as if she had lived on the Mediterranean for months, while he, being fair, had turned a blotchy, peeling.
阿蘭心里想道：要是我們從未到過那個地方該多好啊。在下午后半晌的炎熱中，他們向山坡上爬去。愛麗絲被曬得黑黝黝的，看上去就像在地中海上住過幾個月似的;而阿蘭原本細皮嫩肉，這時身上已經變得紅一塊白一塊，脫了一層皮。
He looked up at the mountainside, the path twisting upwards towards the cairn cross, the white heat bleaching the rock. Why on earth couldn’t they talk about it? Why couldn’t he even accuse her?
他抬頭向山坡望去，只見小路盤旋而上通向那個圓錐形十字石碑，熾熱的陽光將巖石曬得發白。他們究竟為什么不能談那件事?他為什么連責罵她都不能呢?
He had thought it was going to be all right. But it was as if the heat had drained their love.
他原以為一切都會好的，但好像酷熱已經將他們的愛抽干。
At home they had been so blissfully happy that he now realized it couldn’t have lasted. She comes to his school from the Midlands because her family had split up. An only child, living with her father, trying to look after him, lonely, depressed, anxious, she had come to Alan to be healed. At least, that’s what he liked to think. Had he healed her? No. Tom had, even though Alan loved her with all the passion. Now his hatred for both of them was as strong as his love.
在家時，他們曾是多么幸福。現在他意識到那不會再繼續下去了。由于家庭破裂，她從內陸來到他的學校。作為獨生女，她和她的父親住在一起，盡力去照顧他。她孤獨無依、無精打采、愁眉苦臉，經常到阿蘭那里去排除憂傷。至少他喜歡這樣認為。他為她解憂了嗎?沒有。是湯姆，即使阿蘭曾付出所有的激情愛著她。如今他對他們倆的愛就像他的恨一樣強烈。
“Coming,”Alan looked at his watch. Five, The crickets would start singing soon. He walked on, the sweat pouring into his eyes. Knowing she had opened the bottle of mineral water. Would she let him catch up with her? An even greater misery seized him. It reminded him of the night he made himself drunk on the rough local wine his parents bought in the village. His heart had ached then, too, and his sense of loss had increased as he relived each minute of a day when Tom and Alice had seemed to draw closer and closer together.
“來了。”阿蘭看了看手表。已經5點了。蛐蛐兒馬上就要開始鳴唱了。他繼續向上走，汗水源源不斷地流到了眼里。他知道她已經打開那瓶礦泉水。她會讓他跟上她嗎?一種更大的痛苦折磨著他。這使他想起那天晚上他用父母親從村里買的粗制的當地酒將自己灌醉的情景，那時他的心也在發痛。每當他想起愛麗絲和湯姆越來越親近的時候，他的失落感就會與日俱增。
He walked faster. Here, a few miles away on the bare mountainside, there was arid space, and the olive groves, clustered in the stone-cluttered valleys below.
他走得越來越快。他為山頂上那些中世紀的城堡而歡呼雀躍。放眼望去，離那座山幾里遠的地方有一塊空地，在山谷的亂石叢中生長著一小片橄欖林。
“Come on!”
“跟上!”
“Coming.”
“來了。”
Alan strode doggedly on, looking down at his red, peeling legs, thinking of Tom’s strong, straight, brown ones.
阿蘭仍頑強地大步前行，他低頭看了一眼自己被曬紅的、脫了皮的兩腿，想起了湯姆強健挺拔的棕色的雙腿。
Suddenly he had turned the corner by the stone shelter. He could see her waiting for him. If Tom were here, they would be together, mocking him, looking at each other, leaving him alone. As he strode self-consciously on Alan focused his mind on her.
突然，他拐到石頭后面一塊隱蔽的地方。他看到她正在等他。如果湯姆也在這里的話，他們一定會站在一起嘲笑他，相互凝望著，把他丟在一邊。當他拘謹地向前走的時候，他將注意力都集中在她的身上。
“Where’re we going to camp?”She was sitting on an outcrop, her slim body supple and salt-caked. Her legs were swinging and he longed to run his hands over them. Instead he imagined Tom doing that and hot, angry tears filled his eyes.
“我們到哪里去宿營?”她坐在一塊突出的巖石上。她的苗條的身材豐滿，咸咸的。她的腿在那里晃來晃去。他真想將自己的手在那上面滑動。而他卻想象著湯姆那樣做的情景。頓時，憤怒的淚水充滿了他的眼睛。
“Alice,”he cried out. “Alice!?” No response. Alan began to run.
“愛麗絲，”他喊道，“愛麗絲!”沒有回音。阿蘭開始跑了起來。
It was only when he was back at the front door of the monastery that he realized there was one place he had not been to. His heart thumping and his throat dry, he went down the steps.
正當他驚恐地返回到那座廟的前門時，他意識到還有一個地方他沒有去找。他的心砰砰直跳，嗓子發干。他走下臺階。
Now he ran eagerly forward, pushing his way through the foliage. He gave a gasp of relief. She was there, lying on the pine needles.
他急不可待地跑上前，推開樹葉，看到她在那里，躺在松葉上，心里松了一口氣。
“Alice.”
“愛麗絲。”
She woke slowly, sleepily, stretching in the sun. “Sorry—I fell asleep.”
她慢慢地醒來了，睡眼朦朦地在太陽下伸伸懶腰。“對不起——我睡著了。”
“Where the hell have you been?”
“你究竟到哪里去了?”
“I went for a walk.”
“我出去走了走。”
He held up the bracelet and the ring.“I found these.”He was angry, positive. She looked away.“Come on .Why did you do it?”I’ve been searching for you. I thought—I thought you’d been kidnapped or something. Been hurt?
他舉起手鐲和戒指。“我找到了這些東西。”他很生氣，這一點是肯定的。她轉移了視線。“得了吧，你為什么這樣做?我一直在找你，我還以為——我還以為你被綁架或者別的什么了呢。受到了什么傷害了嗎?”
